Marriage is not just a personal union in South Asian culture—it is a deeply social and often communal affair. One of the most widely recognized phrases in the context of matrimonial arrangements in Pakistan and India is “Zarurat-e-Rishta”, which translates to “Need for a Marriage Proposal.” This phrase is commonly seen in newspaper classifieds, social media posts, community bulletin boards, and matrimonial websites. It represents a person or family’s desire to find a suitable life partner, but it also reflects a complex web of expectations, traditions, and societal norms that shape how marriages are arranged in the region.
The Importance of Marriage in South Asian Culture
Marriage in South Asia is considered a sacred duty, not only between two individuals but also between two families. It is seen as a rite of passage, a social obligation, and a moral responsibility. Unlike Western cultures, where love marriages are more common, arranged marriages are still dominant in South Asian societies. Families often take the lead in seeking a partner for their sons or daughters, and the phrase “Zarurat-e-Rishta” becomes a formal way to initiate this search.
This tradition is rooted in centuries of cultural values and religious beliefs. In Islam, Hinduism, Sikhism, and other religions practiced in the region, marriage is viewed as a noble institution. Therefore, finding the “right rishta” (right match) is considered one of the most important tasks for parents.
Traditional vs. Modern Approaches
Traditionally, marriage proposals were arranged through family networks, elders, and local matchmakers. A trusted aunt, a neighbor, or a religious scholar would connect families with suitable matches. This system relied heavily on trust and personal knowledge of the family background, reputation, and values. In modern times, this has evolved into more public and digital methods of seeking proposals.
Today, people use social media platforms, matrimonial websites, and even WhatsApp groups to circulate Zarurat-e-Rishta ads. These listings often include key information such as age, education, caste or sect, profession, and family background. While this shift has made the process more accessible and far-reaching, it has also introduced new challenges, such as lack of authenticity and increased pressure to compete for “ideal” proposals.
What a Typical Zarurat-e-Rishta Ad Includes
A typical Zarurat-e-Rishta ad reflects the preferences and expectations of both the individual and the family. A groom’s family might specify they are looking for a “fair, beautiful, educated girl from a respectable family,” while a bride’s family might seek a “well-settled, highly educated boy from a noble background.” These ads often emphasize social class, financial status, caste, religion, sect, and physical appearance.
Some ads are extremely detailed, while others are brief. A common format is:
“Sunni Syed family from Lahore seeks a tall, beautiful, educated girl (Doctor/Engineer) for their son, age 30, 5’11”, Canadian citizen, well-settled. Contact with recent photo and biodata.”
Such ads reflect not only the values of the family but also the cultural ideals that dominate the marriage market. Sadly, these expectations can sometimes lead to discrimination and pressure, particularly on women.
Gender Roles and Expectations
One of the most critical aspects of Zarurat-e-Rishta culture is the gender dynamic. Women often bear the brunt of societal expectations. There is immense pressure on girls to be slim, fair-skinned, soft-spoken, and highly educated, yet willing to compromise on career for family life. Men, on the other hand, are expected to be financially stable, tall, and from a good family.
This imbalance can lead to issues such as dowry demands, rejection based on appearance, or delays in finding a suitable match. Many girls face emotional stress, low self-esteem, and anxiety during the rishta process, especially when they are repeatedly judged or rejected based on superficial criteria.
The Role of Families
In South Asian societies, the family plays a central role in the rishta process. It is rarely an individual decision. Parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles often get involved in evaluating the proposal, checking family backgrounds, and arranging meetings. Compatibility is judged not just between the couple, but also between families in terms of values, culture, traditions, and sometimes even political views.
The involvement of families can be a strength, as it ensures emotional and financial support. However, it can also become a source of conflict if parents impose their preferences over the desires of the bride or groom.
Online Matrimonial Platforms and Changing Trends
The rise of technology has transformed the Zarurat-e-Rishta landscape. Websites like Shaadi.com, Nikah.com, and others have given individuals and families access to thousands of profiles across cities and countries. Social media groups on Facebook and even LinkedIn are also being used to search for potential matches.
With this digital shift, people are becoming more open to inter-city and inter-country marriages. Many overseas Pakistanis and Indians now find life partners online, sometimes even without traditional family involvement. However, trust issues, fake profiles, and cultural mismatches are some of the downsides of this trend.
Religious and Cultural Filters
Religion continues to play a significant role in Zarurat-e-Rishta. Whether Sunni or Shia, Deobandi or Barelvi, Hindu or Sikh, religious alignment is often non-negotiable for many families. In some cases, sectarian differences can become a major obstacle, even if the couple is otherwise compatible.
In addition, caste considerations—though less openly discussed—still influence decisions. Terms like Syed, Rajput, Jat, or Arain are often mentioned in ads, reflecting the deep-rooted caste consciousness in South Asian society.
The Pressure of Age and Timelines
One of the most stressful elements of the rishta process is the timeline. Girls are often expected to get married in their early twenties, while men are given a bit more flexibility. Once a girl crosses 25 or 28, she may be seen as “too old” in the marriage market. This leads to panic, pressure, and even rushed decisions.
Similarly, men who are not “well-settled” by 30 may face criticism or rejection from potential in-laws. This age pressure can sometimes cause people to compromise on compatibility, leading to unhappy marriages or early divorces.
Social Stigma of Being Unmarried
Remaining unmarried beyond a certain age is still a taboo in many parts of South Asia. People, especially women, may face judgment, pity, or suspicion from relatives and neighbors. This creates a sense of urgency that often overshadows the need for compatibility and understanding in a marriage.
This stigma also extends to divorced individuals and widows, who may find it extremely difficult to receive proposals, despite being emotionally and financially independent.
Emotional Impact on Individuals
Behind every Zarurat-e-Rishta ad is a person with hopes, dreams, and vulnerabilities. The search for a life partner, especially in a culture that places immense value on marriage, can be emotionally draining. Repeated rejections, family pressure, and societal judgment can lead to depression, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.
It is essential to create a more compassionate and respectful culture around rishtas—one that values inner qualities over superficial traits.
Conclusion: Toward a Healthier Rishta Culture
Zarurat-e-Rishta is more than just a phrase; it is a reflection of deep-rooted cultural practices and values in South Asian society. While the tradition of arranged marriages is not inherently flawed, it requires modernization and sensitivity. Families must prioritize compatibility, mutual respect, and emotional well-being over rigid expectations of looks, caste, or financial status.
With growing awareness and education, there is hope that future generations will approach marriage with more empathy, equality, and openness—ensuring that Zarurat-e-Rishta becomes a journey of love and respect, rather than a race to meet social deadlines.