In Pakistan and similar South Asian societies, the concept of “Zarurat-e-Rishta” is not just a phrase—it is a deeply emotional journey, often filled with pressure, expectations, hope, disappointment, and anxiety. For many families, it is a priority to find a suitable life partner for their sons or daughters as early as possible. While marriage is a beautiful and sacred bond, the process of finding the right rishta can sometimes be mentally and emotionally draining for those involved.
The modern generation is navigating a very different world from the one their parents lived in. While the elders still hold on to traditional methods, the youth often want more personal freedom, emotional compatibility, and space to make their own choices. The clash between tradition and modern values makes the rishta journey much more complicated than it appears on the surface.
Zarurat-e-Rishta in Middle-Class Families
In Pakistan’s middle class, marriage is seen as the ultimate destination for a girl once she completes her education. Many girls are raised with the belief that no matter how talented, ambitious, or educated they are, their real “achievement” will be a good marriage. Parents start searching for a rishta even before the girl finishes her degree. This urgency often puts tremendous pressure on both the girl and her family.
Middle-class families also face financial limitations. They want the best match for their children but have to deal with rising dowry expectations, lavish wedding trends, and societal comparisons. Even when they find a compatible match, matters like financial status, job title, and house ownership can become obstacles.
The Double Standards in Expectations
One of the biggest issues in the rishta culture is the double standard in expectations between men and women. A boy can be overweight, less educated, or even unemployed, and still expect a slim, beautiful, highly educated, and house-trained girl. A girl, however, is judged on everything—her skin tone, height, weight, cooking skills, salary, family background, and more.
These unrealistic expectations are often enforced by elders in the family. Instead of focusing on qualities like kindness, loyalty, or understanding, the emphasis is placed on things that don’t necessarily guarantee a happy marriage.
The Pressure on Educated and Independent Women
Today, many women in Pakistan are highly educated, employed, and self-sufficient. They are doctors, engineers, businesswomen, and even CEOs. But when it comes to marriage, they are still expected to “adjust” and prioritize family over career. Many rishta seekers get uncomfortable if a woman earns more than the man or seems “too modern.”
Independent women are often labelled as “difficult”, “bold”, or “picky”—even if all they want is a respectful, emotionally mature partner. The irony is that society encourages girls to study and become something, but then penalizes them for their success during the rishta process.
Divorcees and Widows in the Rishta Market
In a conservative culture, divorced women or widows often find it extremely difficult to re-enter the rishta market. Many families still view divorce as a failure, and instead of understanding the reasons behind it, they blame the woman for not being “adjusting enough.”
Even if a woman is young, independent, and willing to remarry, she may not be treated with the same respect as a never-married girl. She may only receive proposals from much older men, divorcees with multiple children, or those seeking a second wife. This unfair treatment leads to emotional trauma and social isolation.
Social Media and Online Rishtas: A New World
With the rise of social media and matrimonial websites, the way people search for rishtas has changed. Many now create detailed biodata profiles, sharing photos, education, income, and family details. While this has made matchmaking more efficient, it has also introduced new problems—fake profiles, catfishing, scammers, and shallow judgment based on pictures.
Some people now treat marriage proposals like a “shopping list,” rejecting others for minor flaws. The swipe-left, swipe-right culture of dating apps is slowly entering the rishta scene too, where real emotions and human complexity are ignored for surface-level perfection.
Mental Health and Emotional Burnout
The constant pressure of getting married—especially for girls above the age of 25—can cause serious mental health issues. They are constantly compared with their cousins, neighbors, and even celebrities. Every rejection can feel like a personal failure. Comments like “tumhari age zyada ho gayi hai” (you’re getting too old) or “acha rishta nahi milay ga ab” (you won’t get a good proposal now) can destroy self-confidence.
For boys, the burden of being financially stable, owning a house, and supporting a family by a certain age can lead to stress and anxiety. Many suffer silently, trying to meet impossible standards just to become “eligible” in the rishta market.
Religious vs Cultural Expectations
Islam emphasizes simplicity, equality, and good character in marriage. However, in many families, cultural expectations are wrongly mixed with religion. For example, Islam doesn’t allow dowry demands, but they still exist. Islam doesn’t emphasize skin color or caste, but these things are still given top priority.
If people truly followed Islamic teachings, many of the toxic trends in Zarurat-e-Rishta would disappear. The focus would shift from status and wealth to piety, kindness, and compatibility.
Success Stories Exist Too
Despite the many challenges, there are also stories of successful, happy marriages that began with a Zarurat-e-Rishta ad or introduction. Some people do find honest, loving partners through traditional methods. These stories give hope to many who are tired of the process but still believe in the power of companionship.
It is important to highlight these positive stories as well, so the rishta culture doesn’t feel completely negative or hopeless.
What Needs to Change?
To make the rishta process more healthy and respectful, several cultural changes are needed:
- Stop judging people based on skin color, weight, or caste.
- Give equal respect to divorced individuals and widows.
- Focus on emotional compatibility, not just income or looks.
- Respect independent women and their careers.
- Let young people have a voice in choosing their life partner.
- Normalize later marriages, especially for women.
- End dowry culture and show-off weddings.
- Promote Islamic values of marriage over cultural baggage.
Conclusion: A Call for Kindness and Realism
Zarurat-e-Rishta should be a hopeful beginning, not a journey of rejection, humiliation, or pressure. Marriage is one of life’s most important decisions, and it deserves thought, care, and respect. Families must stop treating marriage like a business deal and start focusing on what really matters: character, compatibility, and kindness.
If society becomes more understanding, the process of finding a rishta can become joyful instead of stressful. Every person deserves to be treated with dignity, regardless of their age, skin tone, income, or past. With education, awareness, and compassion, we can build a better rishta culture—one that values hearts more than appearances.